


The One Who Was Sister

by Neferit



Series: The One [10]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Community: dragonage_kink, Diary/Journal, Drama, F/M, all the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neferit/pseuds/Neferit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He missed his little sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Who Was Sister

**Author's Note:**

> Still the same prompt. Delievered to you thanks to my this year's NaNoWriMo writer's block I suffered through on my novel I wanted to write in the beginning, but in the end, I wrote, like, everything, just to overcome it.
> 
> Also, I made myself cry ;-;

 

It was year after the battle of Denerim; the battle that ended the Fifth Blight. Fifth, and the shortest one that ever happened, with battles fought in a country still recovering from previous occupation and with the smallest numbers of Grey Wardens in the whole of Thedas.

It was year since his sister paid the ultimate sacrifice, and stabbing the Archdemon ended the Blight, leaving the world in the spirit of Grey Warden motto. “In peace, vigilance. In war, victory. In death, sacrifice.”

And Fergus Cousland missed her.

He missed his little sister, his Thea, the one who got him out of trouble just as often as getting him out of them.

He missed his little sister with her warm smile she would give to him whenever he felt down for whatever reason.

 _Today Lady Ria of Umgland Bannorn refused Fergus’s offer of marriage. Hid frogs in her wardrobe and into the chest of her shoes. The shrieks she made –_ so _worth every single day I’m going to be grounded from weapon training once they found out who did it._

He missed his little sister who had to kick him into courting Orianna, since he had been terrified to even to the foreigner beauty with her charming manners and soft lilt of a voice.

He missed his little sister, who could charm anyone she desired to do whatever it was that she desired – like charming Orianna’s chaperone away for a few moments, so they could have at least a short time alone.

_Met my future sister-in-law today hopefully. Charming young lady from Antiva. Poor Fergus was unable to say anything to her, beside ‘hello’. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so taken by anyone. I like Orianna. I hope Fergus will man up – and if he won’t, I’ll man him up for himself!_

He missed his little sister who beamed at him, when he was waiting for his wife in front of a priestess who would join their lives together in marriage, her eyes shining with happiness and sheer delight.

_Ta-da! Today I officially became sister-in-law! Half of the nobles attending had been gossiping of how strange it was for a future Teyrn to marry a foreigner, but I think they are just sore over the fact that once Fergus saw Orianna, he wouldn’t pay a second glance to their daughters. I think that the book describe this as ‘love on first sight’ – I would have never believed it possible, if I haven’t seen it happening right before me. Long life, big brother, and happy marriage._

He missed his little sister who was too precious to their family to just be married off to the first noble who would ask; instead, their father would consider every offer very carefully, only to politely reject all of them but one – the one offer by Bann Teagan Guerrin, younger brother of Arl Eamon, youngest brother of Queen Rowan. That one had been pored over repeatedly, and in the end their parents decided to pursue that option, liking the young Bann and trusting him with their daughter’s happiness already.

_Parents had already been talking about finding me a suitable husband; someone important enough to be ‘worthy of my hand’ and someone kind enough to take me as I am, with my weapon training and too much interest in politics, both being very unlady-like, judging by what mother’s friends say on the tea parties mother has us attend every time we travel to Denerim so father can attend the Landsmeet. I’m fairly curious who will they pick for me – the servants already are gossiping like crazy!_

He missed his little sister who would coo on her little nephew, loving the boy as if he were her own, and the boy returning the love with his own.

_I’m officially an auntie now! My little nephew was just born today, both he and his mother are fine, even if Fergus looked like he would need to drink through half of the wine cellar to get his nerves together, when Orianna started to give birth to their firstborn. And now! He has a beloved wife, and a little boy to take care of – and for me to coo about. So cute! I’m going to be the best auntie in the whole of Thedas!_

He missed his little sister whom he lost the day he left for Ostagar, unknowing of the tragedy that took place at their home.

_I can’t believe what really happened. Still, the sounds of fighting, and what do I do after grabbing at least something to wear and defend myself with? I grab this stupid diary of mine, tucking it safely away, while I should grab something more useful, like some gold, or jewellery to sell later. Everyone is dead – I’m so very sorry, Fergus. I never meant to be so useless when it came to protecting your family. They got to them first, the only mercy that they killed them quickly, even if that is a very cold and useless comfort. Father was left stabbed in the gut and bleeding by that treacherous bastard Howe, mother staying with him while I and Duncan, the Grey Warden who arrived to Castle Cousland just that fateful day, ran. Father gave my life to the Grey Wardens, in return that Duncan helps me to escape our burning castle and lets me speak to the King, once we arrive to Ostagar ourselves._

_I should have died with them. I’m so very sorry, Fergus._

He missed his little sister, who had so much to say about every single one of the companions she gathered during the Blight; a rather rag-tag group of misfits, if one were to look at them, but their diversity was the edge that achieved them victory.

_… My fellow Grey Warden. His name is Alistair, and he has the craziest sense of humour I’ve ever encountered, and is way too fond of bad puns. Would anyone believe that he thought me a mage when he first saw me? He has the most irrational fear of being turned into a frog, and an unholy craving for cheese... Tried to teach him dance, while Leliana played her lute and sang – I didn’t think my feet would ever be the same, but after several weeks of torture, I’m happy to announce he can dance polka and waltz. Just not with me. Ouch._

_Morrigan… an apostate of all possible people… She likes to pretend she doesn’t care about company and people in general, but I’ve seen the way she looks when someone speaks to her. There is strength in her, as well as vulnerability, but I think we could be friends, given enough time… like an Orlesian noble, she is…_

_Met a sister of the Chantry today. Claimed she had visions from the Maker that she should accompany us. I probably hit my head harder than I thought, but I thought to give her a chance… And she likes shoes – so much like myself! She has very comforting way of speaking, and when she sings, it’s as if the whole world stopped to listen…_

_… A Qunari? Yes, you got it right. Qunari, and a murderer, all for a prize of one… thinks being a woman denies being warrior… will show him… Calls me kadan – something about being close to one’s heart? … Great friend. Will miss him, when he returns to report to the Arishok._

_Wynne… the gall to preach to me, me!... likes cliché romances – so much like mother… gave her a copy of Rose of Orlais… when not preaching, rather nice – mother would have liked her; like I do._

_Zevran Arainai, a Crow assassin, sent after us, and from what he tells me, after me specifically… Actually quite nice… Good to talk in Antivan again… Too good man for an assassin… Would have liked him, Fergus, he’s the best friend one could hope for, the assassin thing aside._

_Oghren… just like you, with extra drinking problem, burping in the least appropriate moments and even bigger taste for bad puns than Alistair. Has problem with ladies, too… The last of his house… Drank his special brew…_

_If you told me that I would ever meet a talking golem, I would have asked you what the heck have you drank. And here I am, having exactly that as my newest companion. Meet Shale, golem and pigeon-killer extraordinaire!_

He missed his sister who would have never failed to mention everything what could even remotely be considered funny – like flirting with someone shortly before an attack of some undead horrors that came at night and killed everything in their reach.

_I do not know what possessed me at the moment, but Fergus, do you remember how you felt when you saw Orianna for the very first time? Spoke to her about something different than weather? That feeling, so often described as ‘butterflies in the stomach’, while it should be described as ‘unbearable urge to throw up’? I felt exactly that, as I stood in front of Bann Teagan. He was still so very handsome, even if he was falling on his face from the sheer exhaustion. Oh, I’m sure you would be rolling on the floor with all the laughter, if you could see us at that moment, both extraordinarily flirty at one moment, only to be blushing the next. And don’t say you wouldn’t. I know you too well for believing that._

He missed his sister falling for the man their parents picked for her, truly and fervently, with every part of her being, and whose time with the man had been so cruelly limited.

_I love him, Fergus, so much it hurts even more that we will never have the life we would like to have together. There is a reason Wardens are needed during the Bights – it’s only a Warden, who’s able to strike the killing blow to the Archdemon, otherwise the beast would be reborn in another tainted body. And this ultimate sacrifice falls on me, if Riordan, our senior Grey Warden comrade, falls before he reaches the Archdemon. Alistair needs to stay alive, for Anora and for Ferelden._

_There will be no happy ending for me, Fergus. Only happily never after._

He missed his little sister, who got married to the man she loved on the evening of the night she learnt of her fate, to enjoy at least few short moments of happiness, before those would be taken away, for once and for ever.

_I, Thea Cousland, take you, Teagan Guerrin, to be my lawfully wedded lord, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. How I longed to say those words, Fergus, in front of my family and friends, with all the pomp and beauty around us, with laughter and music and dance._

_It hurts to know that I’m dooming Teagan to becoming a widower so quickly after marrying him, but selfishly, I’m relieved when I look at his ring on my finger. When I come to the Maker, I will know that I was loved, Fergus, loved so much I can’t even describe it._

It hurt to watch the other man hurt just as he himself was hurting, mourning the loss of their loved ones. Thea asked her friends, the elven assassin and the former lay Chantry sister to deliver several letters for her, together with the journal she kept all her life.

The last part of the journal hurt him the most.

_Tomorrow we are to arrive to Denerim; the Taint already so strong in the air around that it’s difficult to sleep. Tomorrow, the Blight will end once and for all, or all of us will be dead, and thus indifferent to what will happen._

_Brother, if you are still alive and are reading this, know, that I'm deeply ashamed I was unable to protect our family. By ending the Blight, I hope I will wash away at least part of the shame I feel when I remember that._

He missed his little sister, when he looked around the Castle he was rebuilding, every stone holding more memories than he could bear at times.

But his sister sent him a guarding spirit; at least it felt to him like that at times. Her friend, Leliana, and her soft voice that made the world stop hurting with her songs.

If he closed his eyes, he could imagine his sister dancing around the fire, with their now King Alistair, everyone laughing and warm and happy and full of life.

His little sister. Always so full of life, until she gave it away for the good of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaand, a bit of self-advertisement, just so I can stop crying. If you like the way I write, you can commission me with a prompt you would like to have filled, or with just ideas you have. Details of my commissions can be found [here at my dA profile](http://neferit.deviantart.com/journal/Commission-Info-493055364).


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